Wow that actually kind of broke me.
I’m gonna be over there, rocking back and forth in the dark corner.
You know what always gets me about Derek? Like there’s all his epic manpain and the complete shitstorm that is his life and he wasn’t ever supposed to have to be in charge and he doesn’t know what he’s doing and I know all of that, intellectually, but the thing that always gets me is his shoes. Because you might look at him and see this total bad-ass with the leather and the fangs and the throwing entire people around with his super-strength and stuff. But he wears sneakers. And every time I see them I’m reminded how young he is.
He catches a lot of shit for turning a bunch of unruly teenagers into werewolves, but in all seriousness, who else is he going to get for his pack? Who else is going to accept him as a leader except a bunch of kids who are just as lost as he is and even younger than he is? (And shit, he couldn’t even hold on to most of them, either.)
OH MY FEELS. AND ALL BECAUSE OF SNEAKERS. IDEK.
Here I was thinking I was the only one with intense feelings about his footwear. Like of all the weird irrational things to get upset about when reading a fic, on the top of the list for me is when people give Derek boots instead of sneakers, because the sneakers are ~significant~. They, along with the fact that the leather jacket he wears is just a bit too big for him show how much the tough guy act is something that he is desperately trying to emulate because he’s never really had to defend himself on his own before. He’s always had someone standing over him that he could look to, that did all the talking and the planning and the decision making, which is why scenes like the one at the gas station in the first season break my heart, because he is trying so hard and he has no idea what he’s doing.
In my head he was always the youngest of his family, and that’s hard enough already, to lose the last major lodestone in his life that was his older sister Laura but whenever I see the sneakers, it hits me that he is just young period. I don’t know if the show actually gave him an age, but in my head, since both he and Laura were school when the fire happened, I picture him as very early twenties, and fuck, that’s my age or younger and he’s got absolutely no time figure shit out because everything raining in on him, but how can he trust himself to make any decision when the first act he probably made completely on his own in his life was loving Kate and look how that turned out. All the mistakes that he makes afterwards probably just serve as reminders to him that he cannot trust his own judgement and yet who can he possibly ask for help? To even ask for help would probably just look weak and get him killed. Get everyone else killed. EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE NOTHING IS OK EVER OH GOD WHY.
THINGS I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING ABOUT DURING BREAK.